Kayla Thornton, M.D.

WARNING: This post contains violence and strong language.

I didn't want to do this, but I have to write it down. I have to write it down and deal with it and get it over with and be done. I still shake when I think about it, and even though I know that Jonas is going to be okay, I can't stop shaking every time I think of how it could have gone differently and how so much could have gone wrong.

Right inside the Illinois border we found more survivors. Two men. One of them had been hurt when he got thrown from his motorcycle, and his friend was worried about him. Said that he'd been sitting by him for days and that we were the first people that he'd seen. The guy who got thrown looked terrible. He was pale and sweating and covered in dried blood and all I could do was assure Timothy that I was a doctor and I was going to take good care of Gus.

I got my doctor's bag, while Jonas talked to Timothy. I heard him telling Timothy that even though I looked young I was a good doctor and all that other stuff that I got to hear a lot at the Rittenhouse ER. He was trying to reassure Timothy.

I got down next to Gus and the minute I touched him, I knew. That way I have of knowing if people are sick or hurt or infected, and I just knew that he wasn't. He was as healthy as me or Jonas and they were just faking. And somehow Jonas must have figured it out at the same time – I don't know, but I was going to try to hint to him when everything went crazy. Gus sat up and grabbed me and Timothy pulled a gun out of nowhere and was holding it on Jonas and Gus had a gun to my head and Aunt Millie was whining and growling in the car and Timothy was threatening to kill her and kill Jonas and I just asked them what they wanted.

( Me. They wanted me. )

Jonas is scaring me. He's trying not to scare me, but the whole trying not to scare me thing is scaring me. I'm not scared of Jonas, but I'm scared of why ever he felt the need to get out the guns. Not just one gun, but three. One rifle, and two glocks.

He watches everything when we take our breaks, and he won't let me out of his sight, not completely. He even keeps Aunt Millie tethered. I want to ask, but honestly, I'm kind of scared of the answer.

It's a good thing that we don't have any place to be because we're falling behind. I liked Wittenberg University*, the campus was so beautiful and peaceful, so we stayed there an extra day. We found some bicycles outside one of the houses located right down the street from campus and we packed a picnic and went bike riding. We ended up picnicking down in this depression behind a really old red dormitory. (I looked it up later and found it the dorm is Myers Hall and the depression is Myers Hollow.) I couldn't help but wonder what the school must have been like when there were students all over the place – probably studying and sunbathing and making out right where Jonas, Aunt Millie and I were having lunch.

It was a sobering thought.

( More sobering thoughts )

Jonas is like the second nicest, sweetest guy in the world. (Peter is the first.) I looked at a calendar today and realized that we missed Memorial Day. I don't know why but it bummed me out. I mean, it was like I realized that everything is going to be different now. No Memorial Day picnic and barbecue and parade, no Fourth of July fireworks, no Christmas decorations in all the retail stores in the middle of October. No kids Trick or Treating on Halloween. It's all gone.

( The crying jag )

Ohio is boring. I thought that Mount Union was boring, but Ohio really is boring. Yeah, yeah, I know that there's like no people and stuff, but there's just nothing to see either. No hills, no mountains, nothing but corn. Corn. And more corn. Even Aunt Millie is bored. We stopped on the side of the road and she took one look at the corn field and started pacing up and down the highway instead.

Jonas is an idiot. Okay, I don't really mean that. But he's calling this "taking the scenic route" and keeps telling me that we don't have to be anywhere and that this is my chance to see the United States.

I've seen enough corn to last me until I'm old and gray. And if we keep visiting little farm towns and looking at corn stalks, is going to be premature and real soon.

Memory of the day: Corn on the cob. Great at barbecues and picnics. Not so great when you're surrounded by it.

(Didn't Jonas ever watch "Children of the Corn?")

We found a pet store. At first I didn't want to go inside. I was so afraid of finding dead animals. I know how crazy that sounds. I had patients die while I held their hearts in my hand, and there were so many dead at Rittenhouse when I was there. Dead people I can handle, but I was getting all choked up over the thought of some poor dead puppies and kittens trapped in their cages.

Turned out that I didn't have to worry about that. The delivery dock doors had been propped open and all the cages were empty. Dog food and cat food and rabbit pellets all littered the floor and you could see where somebody had cut open bags and dumped the food out. Somebody obviously thought about the animals and set them all free. Well except the fish. The store smelled like a fishery gone rotten. The smell got us moving pretty fast. More food for Aunt Millie and a new chew toy so that she'll leave Jonas' baseball cap alone (although we might just have to get him a new cap), a leash and one of those stakes in the ground that only lets the dog go so far. Jonas laughed when I picked that out, but he didn't object.

Most importantly, I got the skunk odor remover wash. There was a groomer's attached to the pet store, but the smell was too much. We took everything to a house we found standing wide open and hauled Aunt Millie into the bathtub. She wasn't happy and we were both soaked to the bone by the time it was done, but I finally think she doesn't stink anymore.

While Aunt Millie sulked on the front lawn, Jonas and I did another round of cleaning on the Hummer. It doesn't stink anymore either.

I thought I heard a truck while we were cleaning, but Jonas said that I must have imagined it. Just in case though, we went for a short drive, but didn't find anyone.

Tonight, we're sleeping in this house. Sleeping in real beds with a roof over our heads instead of sleeping bags and tents. Jonas said that we earned it and I can't agree more.

Memory of the day: Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes. There was a box in the cupboard here and I hadn't realized how much I missed them. Jonas and I each had one and we decided to save the rest as a treat for when we reach Chicago.

I think that I am being punished for something horrible that I did in a former life. When we stopped today to stretch our legs and let Aunt Millie out for a run, the stupid dog ran off chasing a skunk! Of course, the skunk responded exactly how you expect a skunk to respond when being chased by a stupid, ugly dog.

Jonas, naturally, thought this was the funniest thing in the world. And I might have just agreed with him because he was laughing and I haven't seen Jonas laugh since . . . well, it's been a really, really long time. So, there was Jonas laughing hysterically, and Aunt Millie bouncing around whining and carrying on like she's just been bitten or attacked by something, so what does the evil little thing do?

( Stupid dog )

We traded in the SUV for a Hummer. Not one of those H2's or H3's, which Jonas said was nothing like the real thing, but a true military Hum-vee. It was a bit creepy and bizarre to simply pull up to a military base in the middle of PA and just pick the vehicle we wanted; I suppose I'm still getting used to the idea of this being it.

I asked him why we were getting a new car, and he said because the military one could go off road. I didn't know why we'd want to go off road until we hit a pile up outside of Pittsburgh. There was no way we could through it, so we backtracked. Maps in hand (or lap, I guess) we hit the back roads and came out on the other side of Pittsburgh. Now I know why Jonas wanted to be able to go off-roading. It wasn't just a macho guy thing.

( Notice, by the way, that I am writing in a journal. )